And one more thing you don’t know about me…

I’m legally blind.  Or at least I was until I had Lasik done Thursday evening.

Seriously, my left eye was 4.5 and my right 3.25.  Glasses off I could read up close.  Glasses on I could see far away, but anything too close was a blur.  Contact lenses at night, forget it.  I tried to read a map in the light of a dome light in the car and it was a big nothing.  That was five years ago and things deteriorated a bit every year.  My eye doctor told me Lasik was the best option, so…I finally bit the bullet (why does one bite a bullet, btw?) when I found out my insurance would cover part of it and I got to the point where I couldn’t see anything at night other than blurred images.

I went to Dr. Scott Hyver, who has made a name for himself in the Bay Area correcting the vision of the San Francisco 49ers.  The office staff and other doctors were courteous, friendly and efficient.  The procedure was explained in detail.  There were stuffed animals in the procedure room for those nervous patients needing something to hold.  I clutched a Beanie Tiger and a Beanie Rainbow bear to my chest during the entire thing.  It was weird, freaky and my eyes were held open with tape and metal holders that made me think of CLOCKWORK ORANGE during the procedure.  But it was also very quick and Dr. Hyver kept up a calm, running commentary during the entire procedure.  It was over in less than 10 minutes, possibly five.

I had to keep my eyes shut as much as possible for four hours after the surgery.  Dave set me up on the futon in the living room and put on A MIGHTY WIND and WAITING FOR GUFFMAN.  It hurt.  It felt like someone was going over my eyes with a cheesegrater for a couple of hours.  My eyes kept watering and my sinuses filled up.  I got a migraine.  But the next morning when I opened my eyes, I could see…well, I could see everything clearly.  I saw the trees outside the bedroom window, the leaves, a raven on one limb.  I could see which cat was perched on top of my jewelry box (bad cat!).  I had my follow up appointment that morning and could see distance with 20/20 vision.  I could read the smallest print closeup.  And my eyes are supposed to only improve for the next month.


13 thoughts on “And one more thing you don’t know about me…

  1. Congratulations are definitely in order! I’m getting new glasses which should (Dr. Lee says) greatly improve my vision. Close to 20/20 she says. As for “biting the bullet’, in the days before anesthesia went into general use a surgical patient might be given a shot of whiskey to dull things but was also made to bite down hard in a lead musket ball (later a conical slug called a “minnie ball” after its French inventer, Dr. Minie.) The bullet didn’t do a thing to ease the pain of course but it did prevent the patient/victim from screaming his head off. (What it must have done to his teeth is another matter.) I’m so glad you only had to do this metaphorically. Glad also to hear the lasik went great. LOL.

  2. Heh, Jack beat me to the punch with the “bite the bullet” explanation. Now can someone explain to me “Bite the big one”?

    Seriously, many many congratulations! Should I ever get to the Lasik point, I’m going to remember your doc.

  3. Hmm. It seems to be biting the bullet would have resulted in broken teeth, which would cause MORE pain. The logic here escapes me, Captain.

    I’m not gonna touch ‘bite the big one.’ It’s nasty, y’know… And yeah, I would absolutely recommend this doctor. I mean…stuffed animals?…

  4. That’s AWESOME ZZ! I had no idea you had such vision problems – with your personal story telling style of posts I’m surprised that I hadn’t picked that up. Kind of important for a writer to be able to read. Glad you had the guts to go ahead with the lazick. And A Mighty Wind is one of my all time favorite movies.

  5. Yay for 20/20 vision!! Very happy that it turned out well for you 🙂

    I love Christopher Guest too.

  6. You’re right, D. It is nasty. It means to die. It’s probably related to “buy the farm” meaning your own personal burial plot. That started as a military term. (If you were merely wounded, lost a limb, etc., you were said to have “bought a piece of the farm.”) Hope YOU don’t buy any part of the farm for a LONG indeterminate time. Things would be way too dull without you. LOL!!!

  7. Yay for good vision! I’m way too big a chicken to let someone do surgery on my eyes. How much easier it will be now to find the really cool beach glass pieces!

  8. Thanks, all, for your kind words. It’s great to be able see first thing in the morning…other than looking into the mirror right after taking off the safety goggles I have to wear while sleeping until…a week from today.

    Gotta love Christopher Guest movies and I do recommend them if you have to just listen to a movie.

    More beach glass and no buying the farm or biting the big one!

  9. “enquiring minds” always makes me want to say “don’t kill anyone until we get back to you”. Damn I love The Lost Boys. Oh, and the explanation is in the comments.

  10. Hey, as long as we’re biting things, did you know that the phrase “bit the dust” goes all the way back to the Iliad? Quite a picture that phrase paints, when you think about it…

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