Live In the Moment

This past weekend I had an object (or should that be ‘abject’) lesson in the folly of too much ‘saving for a special occasion.’   Specially, in this case, lingerie.  Back in my slender youth I did some modeling, which included quite a bit of lingerie.  I loved the stuff, bought the most romantic, frivolous items I could find (I loved the Gothic heroine look, for instance) and then squirreled them away in my dresser drawer(s) for the right occasion with the right man.  I wore some of it, but generally fell in the habit of sleeping in old comfy things. I wore several cotton chemises until they practically disintegrated from wear, tear and washing.

My lingerie collection moved with me from San Diego to Los Angeles, and then back down to San Diego again only to turn around and travel back up to L.A…and then eventually I ended up, along with my lingerie, in San Francisco.  I did get rid of some of it along the way.  I gave some of the uber-Goth/vampire/red lace bustier type things to the daughter of a friend.  Meghan was into the role-playing game Kindred at the time and I love nothing better than passing along my belongings to someone who will appreciate them.  It’s like sending them to a new home.  Yes, I anthropomorphize things quite a bit.

Other items I’ve held onto even though I’ve only seen them while pulling out of moving boxes to put back into my dresser. I’d think about wearing them every now and again, but after a long day at work/writing/caring for the cats/cooking, it just seemed like too much trouble.  Besides, in SF it’s almost always flannel pajama weather…  Sexy pj’s would be a tank top and nice underwear.  Something I could wear underneath the flannel pajamas, y’know? 

The last few months I noticed my antique dresser and its contents smelled kind of funky.  Musty, mildewy, as if they’d been stored in someone’s damp attic for a few years.   Everything out, into the wash, lots of white vinegar and sunshine.  All the drawers pulled out, put into the sun, white vinegar and bleach, hoping for the best.   Put everything back in and it seemed fine, until a few weeks ago the smell was back. 

So one more time, even more heavy duty mildew killers used in the dresser interior and the drawers, although not as much sunshine because we’ve had approximately five sunny days all summer long.   This weekend I put everything back in the dresser… except I decided to try on my lingerie just for the hell of it. 

Bad idea. 

Well, at least as far as my ego was concerned.  

Yeah, some of it still fits.  But not a lot.  Some of it looks like it could only be worn by a ten year old, yet I did indeed fit in it at one time.  This was, of course, after losing 15 pounds in two weeks after a particularly nasty breakup in which my heart was thoroughly broken – I was the thinnest I’d ever been during this period of my life.  At any rate, these gorgeous, frivolous things, some of them vintage (all of them vintage these days, heh) that I hardly ever wore… I would now never wear them again.  Saved for a special occasion that never arrived and now that I’m smart enough to create my own special occasions, I’m defeated by my changed body and expanded waistline. 

Was my waist ever 24 inches without a corset?  Yup, it sure was. 

Will it ever be again?   HAH!  Not unless I’m hit with a wasting disease, in which case I doubt I’d be in the mood to prance around in sexy lingerie. 

So I’ve put it aside in a bag for eBay, along with other items from my past that either no longer fit my body or no longer suit my personality.  The things I’ve kept that still fit and suit are going to be worn.  Otherwise in ten years I’ll just have to do this all over again.  And that would be a waste of some damned sexy lingerie.  

6 thoughts on “Live In the Moment

  1. Dana,
    I wouldn’t worry, you are beautiful even without the 24 inch waist. Some of the things you used to show me were to die for!! I look in the mirror sometimes too and wonder where my gorgeous figure went as well, and I have had to start making similar decisions about losing my “skinny clothes”.

  2. How crazy must we all be to have convinced ourselves that we could have twenty-something bodies until our dying days…. You are a beautiful woman, Dana, and I have to say that I especially appreciate this blog post. Because I’ve been having to take prednisone, I’ve gained about two dress sizes in about six months–and sometimes it really messes with me. That’s life though, right? I commend you for passing on your beloved lingerie to the next generation. It’s a bold–and beautiful–move.

  3. Tam and Lisa, thank you both for your supportive comments and the empathy. And yeah, Lisa, it IS crazy. But I think all women somehow think that they’re gonna be the exceptions to the aging rules. I know I sure used to think so. I remember my mom complaining about her stomach and me looking complacently at my then VERY flat tummy and saying, “I’ll always have a flat stomach.” Are you laughing now, Mom? If not, feel free.

    Lisa, I totally understand how that can mess with you – my weight snuck up on me via stress and age and hormonal changes and it’s just hard to deal with when you’re used to being/looking a certain way for so long. But it IS life and it’s hard to imagine you as anything but spectacularly gorgeous (you too, Tamara), so here’s to all of us no matter the size!

  4. I have to agree with Tamara and Lisa. Your waist size doesn’t matter. (Though it’s got to be better than most folks your age—whatever that may be. I’m NOT asking!!!) 😉
    You’re beautiful any way you look at it. I know Dave agrees with me. 🙂

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